Kobe is scarier than Chris Kaman's face

The Los Angeles Times reported today that a Sports Illustrated poll of NBA athletes voted Lakers team ball-hog Kobe Bryant is the scariest player in the league. Like any competition, Kobe truly went balls to the walls, earning 35% of the vote while other somewhat scary players Lebron James, Dwight Howard, Kevin Garnett, and Shaquille O'Neal combined for only 24%.

Congratulations Kobe!

I agree that Kobe is definitely the most intimidating human being with a basketball in his hand. 81 points in a single game, three championships, and one innocent white girl in Colorado. I mean the dude just owns the hardwood, pun intended.

But scariest in the league? That shouldn't be a compliment. It's almost as bad as the fat kid who won "Best Attitude" in middle school. When I think of the scariest in basketball, I imagine Sam Cassell's teeth, Gheorghe Muresan's shoulders, Chris Kaman's beard, Shawn Bradley's whiteness, Manute Bol's legs, Vlade Divac's body odor, Kyle Korver's lesbian face, Robert Traylor's penis, Tay Zonday's voice and Brady Quinn's ambiguous sexual orientation all served on Kevin Durant's two ounce skeleton. And by law, I'm required to mention former Maverick Popeye Jones when discussing ugly basketball players.

So, please, NBA athletes, reconsider your definition of "scary" before Carrot Top starts reconsidering his career plans.

- K.H. (Thinks Kyle Korver is a lesbian)