Celtics to give Brian Scalabrine more help

Professional journeyman and E.T. lookalike Sam Cassell is expected to sign with the Celtics after clearing waivers with the Clippers. Cassell will likely back up 18-pound guard Rajon Rondo, who has been playing surprisingly well against teams not named the Pistons.

As a Celtics supporter for the past 10 years, this season has become for me the light at the end of the tunnel known as "sucking." So, any potential disturbance to the team's late success scares me, especially when that disturbance is an old, washed-up bald man who might find it unsettling to play behind a 2nd year point with no shot (who also happens to look like an alien). Anyone who has watched a Celtics game this season is forced to notice the team-first chemistry on the court (See: James Posey on bench whenever anybody dunks...anybody), which hasn't necessarily been a defining quality of recent Boston rosters. Adding a demanding veteran risks might interrupt the brotherly love that Danny Ainge sold his soul for.


Phone TD Banknorth Garden!

However, I understand the move and, at the end of the day, would probably advocate it. After all, how can I smack talk Ainge after what he's done to the team in the past year? (Please don't remind about the past 9 years). Cassell has always been a proven winner and serves as a potent alternative to guarding the Chauncey Billupses of the East. Plus, he helped Garnett lead the Timberwolves to the Conference finals, where they were a Luke Walton away from the Championship, and also led the less than flashy Clippers to the Conference semifinals only two years ago. And as far as splitting time with Rondo, Cassell grabbed his only two championships while splitting minutes with Kenny "Barkley's Bitch" Smith on the Rockets.

So, yeah, I guess the deal is worth the squeeze (does that make sense?). And now the Dumb Jock would like to welcome Mr. Cassell to Boston, just don't screw it all up for us...E.T.!

-K.H.