But the league doesn't really get much more complicated than the two games (TWO!) played between the Heat and the Hawks tonight. The Heat have the league's worst record despite their championship season only two years ago and division title last year. The lottery loitering Hawks, under the wings of four uberathletic point forwards, are now on pace to finally reach the playoffs for the first time in the century. The times are a-changing, folks, so you better trade for an old, washed-up veteran with too high of expectations!
Quinn: Shawn Marion's on the Heat?
Bibby: I'm on the Hawks?
Pachulia: WTFioeiurcznbkj?!
Both squads were involved in the league's first replay (sorry: re-play) since 1983 after their Dec. 19 game, in which a currently deceased Shaq was wrongly cited for six fouls. Before the normally scheduled matchup tonight, the teams played the final 51.9 seconds of the first game with the Hawks ahead 114-111, thus proving that time travel is indeed possible.
Apparently, one of the officials couldn't help but make a disturbingly funny joke: "That was the best game I've ever had," he said at the scoring table. "I didn't make one mistake." Moral of the joke: NBA referees are supposed to make mistakes. Oh, okay, I get it now! That's one of those jokes you hear your creepy uncle make about molesting a child, which you still laugh at for no apparent reason.
In those extremely riveting, back-and-forth, edge-of-your-seat 51.9 seconds, neither team scored...at all. The Hawks continued their oddly successful night by beating the Heat again in a 48-minute game behind Joe Johnson's 37 points. Gotdamn, that's almost an hour long!
So, the sorry Hawks beat the celebrityish Heat twice in one night. The NBA. Where wtf is happening to the NBA happens.
- K.H.
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