The Mitchell Report Report

After yet another all-nighter, I'm not much in the mood to spend the time to write a substantial post. Thus (I am a college student and so I can say "Thus"), I will reflect on the incredibly annoying hooplah about this yet-to-be-revealed Mitchell Report, which according to SI.com polls, may or may not forever change baseball culture. My initial reactions:

1) Wtf?
2) Change the channel asshole, CourtTV sucks.
3) For US history buffs (shout out to Jules!), this sounds oddly familiar.
4) Wtf?
5) Change the channel asshole, baseball sucks.
6) For sports buffs (shout out to you!), this sounds oddly familiar.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure / I hope that sporting culture is grounded enough into American society that some double-spaced Word document won't change the fate of the nation's precious pastime. Though I wouldn't mind if this Mitchell Report completely replaced broadcasts of baseball games with more football, basketball, and soccer (you know, the stuff that requires athleticism), it's hard to imagine that this guy can be taken that seriously: