Oh, and the Democratic ticket is pretty important too.
But if the polisports-oriented individual really thinks about it…what really is the difference between the race for football’s best slinger and George Bush’s long-awaited successor (unless GuiliRomney deflects the pass)?
Because, all sarcasm aside, the everlasting Brady – Manning debate is scarily similar to the intense Hillary – Barack election. Sure, comparing and contrasting the two contests might provide an interesting insight into the obvious differences between federal and athletic concerns, but I won’t be resorting to that because, together, the two races combine for one freakishly familiar competition:
One of the few times the candidates meet eye to eye.
Meet Hillary Brady. She’s been at the top for a while. She rarely smiles with her attractive-in-the-1960s-Clint-Eastwood-way face. But when she does smile, she fucking scares the shit out of you. Opponents cringe in fear in the same way they react to the dentist who smirked as he insisted that it’s not going to hurt “too much.” Her sex appeal is not for the faint of heart or for children, but only for those up for the challenge of being the inferior one in the relationship.
Aside from personal qualities she boasts an impressive resume, especially in recent history. She’s been dominating the contest lately and has long been associating with some of the most influential men in the in the profession. Her brawny hands boast three studded rings and hold a perpetually swaying pen capable of upsetting more lives than one. Her crowded shelf shows off just a few ultra-shiny trophies and the oversized key to New York.
But from a Bostonian background with an All-American swagger, she’s relatively quiet, but certainly not reserved. That cliffhanger attitude (just enough to keep the audience wanting more) isn’t advertising cookies on Saturday mornings; it’s selling cologne during late night commercials on Bravo. It helps that she has has marital problems before, but has somehow managed to get away with the forgive-and-forget philosophy and, in one situation, a child once she found consistent success. And though she has had her disagreements with past leadership, she strides while confident that everybody knows who’s wearing the pants now.
She does come off as a bitch, the result of a grim work face and a stereotype for her position. But aside from the unfortunate judgment, there’s not much to pick out of her character. She has no blameworthy qualities or gaudy statistics to back her (well, besides this year) except for a natural inclination to lead. Is that her opponents’ jealousy trying to undermine her?
And if all else fails, she can always rely on the usual African-American support, whether it’s merely by her last name or her ability to guide them to success even in heavy coverage [by sensationalist media].
Rain or shine, the war is always on.
Meet Peyton Obama. He’s cute, lovable, and just so darn nice. If his pearly whites haven’t already adorned your television, he’s already knocking at your front door ready to shake your hand. His recognizable voice is trustworthy, attracting all the major broadcasters, and he’s willing to be the class clown every now and then (even SNL loves him).
Audiences tend to love him when he’s not at work, admiring his congenial personality and next-door-neighboor looks. Despite a high status, he boasts a New York Times Best Seller background, with a father that has been mentioned more than once, that keeps him grounded to his roots. Did we mention he’s the industry’s best talker? And with a humble yet billboard-worthy persona, he’s got an entourage of big name stars just behind his back. Anybody who’s anybody wants to be on his side.
But modesty can come with a downfall: does he have the cajones to do what it takes to be the best? Can he go balls to the wall? Sure, he may be able to the maneuver away from the critics, but victory is best determined during crunch time.
Surprisingly, he’s enjoyed extreme success in the past year, ending any doubts about his lack of experience at the world’s highest stage. He has a rare and noticeable knack to adjust his gameplan given any scenario. Especially in these crucial instances, his words speak just as loud as his actions. His craft in avoiding the mistakes typical of most candidates is characteristic of any leader. Yet, he still faces questions about his production in comparison to other candidates. He hasn’t always had the best defense to support what he brings to the table against challengers. Sure, he’s been great lately, but is he worth the hype?
With a Mr. Rogers smile and a knack for leading, he has the capabilities to rise from behind to win it all. But even if he doesn’t, he has no need to worry: he’s got the name.
With both platforms addressed, who will the electorate ultimately choose as the country’s next leader? This is not a matter of QB ratings or exit polls, but instead an issue of who will step up when America needs him / her most. Forget CNN. Forget ESPN. This is America.
And in our next post: Tony Romoney and Brett Guiliani discuss this year’s darkhorse candidate: Tarvaris Gravel.
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