Milk was a bad choice

Russian tennis player Mikhail Youzhny is a weird guy. After sending a ball into the net during his match at the Sony Ericsson Open on Monday, Youzhny repeatedly hit himself in the head with his racket very, very hard. A few seconds later, the Russian positioned himself to begin another set, until, not surprisingly, a stream of blood came flowing down his face. This incident, of course, means instant YouTube celebration:


"I immediately regret this decision"

I can't decide which part of this video is the funniest. It's between Youzhny's coach who just quietly stares at him while he's murdering his own face or when Youzhny's opponent comes over (around the 1:30 mark) and just laughs at him.

Either ways, this is proof that Wii Tennis is in fact safer than real tennis.

- K.H. (Cannot pronounce Youzhny)

Andy Roddick - 1, Me - 0

I'm going to be honest: I love swimsuit models. I really do. But what don't I love? When pretty boy tennis players who somehow manage to look charming in sweat-drenched Lacoste polos decide to marry those swimsuit models.

So, where is this hate coming from? Well, America's tennis spokesman Andy Roddick has reported on his website that he is now engaged to masturbatory muse Brooklyn Decker. Decker, 20, is known for her scantily clothed poses in Sports Illustrated's latest Swimsuit Edition and, of course, for her great personality.


"Note to self: keep playing tennis."

Especially when guys like George Clooney are dating sorority girls, you've got to despise Roddick, who wrote that "I have to admit all the attention in a bit surprising. We have been laughing at some of the stuff we have seen. Supposedly she is pregnant and I didn’t bother to tell my friends and family about the engagement… ha ha… I mean really?" When announcing that you impregnated a supermodel is followed by the words "ha ha," you know you live the life.

Report: Andy Roddick has just increased his position on the national list of "Assholes who lie better lives than mine," just two spots ahead of Jessica Alba's puppy.

- K.H. (Still single, swimsuit models)

Ah, the "that's what she said" possibilities...

Lauryn Edwards, a nine-year-old girl and aspiring tennis player, was banned from her local club in Australia...for grunting. So, I guess my favorite part about tennis (c'mon, Sharapova's grunt sounds like a character from Street Fighter) is slowly being removed, beginning with nine-year-old girls in Australia.

Anyways, I just wanted to write the following fact out for giggles: Grunting is prohibited when hitting balls down under.


"It feels natural to do my noise. I'm not faking it," Lauryn said.

And no matter what those Aussies say, I'm still grunting when I play Wii Tennis.

-K.H.