Marvin Lewis does not speak Spanish

Despite Bengals star receiver Chad Johnson's publicized dissatisfaction with the franchise, coach Marvin Lewis is adamant that "Ocho Cinco" jugare para los Bengals en el estacion proximo. The Bengals even turned down a stacked offer from the Redskins, which included a first-round pick in this weekend's NFL Draft. And although the gold-teefed superstar insists that he will not play another game for Cincinnati, Lewis called his bluff, telling Johnson that he should just keep his promise instead of looking for a new home.


Please, Chad, just don't be so..sad?

If you know me, you know I've loved the "Ocho Cinco" even in the sad Jon Kitna days. I model the very small amount of my touchdown celebrations after his creative antics and I too cry when my team is 4-1. But, cool Spanish nickname or not, I really don't like it when quality athletes like Chad would rather waste their talent than prove why they deserve attention. So, Chad, if you can hear me (or if you can read), just give up, por favor. Do it for Cincinnati, for your pretend cheerleader wife, for Spanish-speaking football fans, and for all of your former teammates in jail.

And if you don't? Championship!

- K.H. (Habla Espanol)

KJ to challenge Obama as best African-American basketball player in politics

Three-time NBA All-Star and dunk-o-matic Kevin Johnson* will be running for mayor in his hometown of Sacramento, a oddly foreign city which declares itself the capital of California (Is this the plot of some Will Ferrell movie or something?!).


This fade is gettin' federal on yo ass.

I usually don't like it when athletes become politicians. Coached athleticism really shouldn't be an advantage to any legislator, no matter what district, state, or department. However, I may consider Johnson as a rare exception to that rule. The man simply known as "KJ" was one of the first NBA icons that I remember from my childhood. I was around 5 years old when I secretly wanted that sweet fade on my head just like Johnson. Unfortunately, I never got that fade and some bald, white guy named Jason Kidd replaced KJ.

However, as a politics major, I now may be able to reconnect my childhood ties with the former Suns guard in future. Who knows? Maybe you'll see a 2024 Johnson-Hsu ticket with the campaign slogan "Rock the Fade."

- K.H.

*Not to be confused with heavily moustached Browns wide reciever Kevin Johnson.