O.J. Mayo is smarter than 95% of you

I was doing some preliminary research on a post I was about to write about how thug-turned-USC star O.J. Mayo is actually the reincarnation of USC star-turned-thug O.J. Simpson. However, I stumbled upon some unsettling information on Wikipedia (a college student's best friend): apparently, Mayo scored a 29 on the ACT, placing him in the 95th percentile of all students taking the test, thereby contradicting the very title of this blog.


O.J. Mayo: Dumb Jock?

At first, I assumed it was some wikinerd in Los Angeles likening his idol's intelligence to that of Etan Thomas. But after some further investigation, I found that Mayo's incredible ACT score is in fact true. For any late teenager who spent several miserable months devoting himself to SAT practice and application essays, it's difficult enough to witness basketball's newest asshole accept himself into a great school. But when that slam-dunking, cotton-headed ninny muggins also beat you in the only thing you had going for yourself (your test scores), well then, there's not much to look forward to in this life. Thus, you resort to writing in a amateur blog and smoking crack cocaine.

And, as we all realize at some point in our life, the dumb jock wins again. Boogers.

- K.H.

KJ to challenge Obama as best African-American basketball player in politics

Three-time NBA All-Star and dunk-o-matic Kevin Johnson* will be running for mayor in his hometown of Sacramento, a oddly foreign city which declares itself the capital of California (Is this the plot of some Will Ferrell movie or something?!).


This fade is gettin' federal on yo ass.

I usually don't like it when athletes become politicians. Coached athleticism really shouldn't be an advantage to any legislator, no matter what district, state, or department. However, I may consider Johnson as a rare exception to that rule. The man simply known as "KJ" was one of the first NBA icons that I remember from my childhood. I was around 5 years old when I secretly wanted that sweet fade on my head just like Johnson. Unfortunately, I never got that fade and some bald, white guy named Jason Kidd replaced KJ.

However, as a politics major, I now may be able to reconnect my childhood ties with the former Suns guard in future. Who knows? Maybe you'll see a 2024 Johnson-Hsu ticket with the campaign slogan "Rock the Fade."

- K.H.

*Not to be confused with heavily moustached Browns wide reciever Kevin Johnson.