In his continuous effort to prove that he is indeed just anotha brotha, Senator Barack Obama played some hoops with the North Carolina basketball team on Tuesday. The presidential candidate hung out with famed UNC coach Roy Williams shortly before he posed for cameras, pretending to actually play basketball. By federal law, Williams was required to "sub in all the white guys."
Obama posting up against "one of the white guys."
"Let me tell you, these guys are big" Obama explained while hitting the showers, discreetly pointing to Tyler Hansbrough's schlong. When asked about his thoughts of the Senator's relations with Rev. Jeremiah Wright, a confused Hansbrough added later, "I dun' even no who dat dam' [expletive] is."
So this makes a total of four posts devoted to "O'bomber's" basketball life in this blog. Though I'm a strong Obamanite, it's a little unsettling thinking that a presidential candidate could gain a large amount of votes just by shooting hoops with some jocks. It's actually a little sad, really. But hey, at least he didn't lose in Kansas!
I wrote a post a few months ago about a certain Barry O'bomber's skills on the court. HBO's REAL Sports with new NFL Network enemy Bryant Gumbel decided to top my blog (the first to ever do so) with a great feature on the Illinois Senator's career on the hardwood. If you don't have 15 minutes to spare, at least watch from 8 minutes in to see candid video of the future president ballin' up some Marines.
Aside from yesterday's historic men's championship game between Kansas and Memphis, reports claim that something actually happened in the women's NCAA tournament. Some team named the Lady Volunteers, which I'm assuming is some World War II army nurses organization, apparently won a basketball game that included some amount of importance.
Florence Nightengale?
Yeah, I don't know what the hell is going on either.
The Alabama State basketball team seems pretty unremarkable at first glance: at guard, you've got Brandon Brooks and at forward is Joel Bosh. However, when one looks closer at the roster, one notices that at center is the 7'1" Chief Kickingstallionisms. No, that isn't a typo and no, it isn't a sentence either.
"How, I'm Chief Kickingstallionisms"
Kickingstallionisms's talent, originally born Grienntys Kickingstallionisms in his native Florida, apparently doesn't live up to the brilliance of Kickingstallionism's name: Kickingstallionisms only scored four points and racked zero boards in 18 minutes of play against Jackson State. Kickingstallionisms later told reporters, "Chief Kickingstallionisms want white people off land!"
Note: No stallions were hurt in the writing of this post.
I was doing some preliminary research on a post I was about to write about how thug-turned-USC star O.J. Mayo is actually the reincarnation of USC star-turned-thug O.J. Simpson. However, I stumbled upon some unsettling information on Wikipedia (a college student's best friend): apparently, Mayo scored a 29 on the ACT, placing him in the 95th percentile of all students taking the test, thereby contradicting the very title of this blog.
O.J. Mayo: Dumb Jock?
At first, I assumed it was some wikinerd in Los Angeles likening his idol's intelligence to that of Etan Thomas. But after some further investigation, I found that Mayo's incredible ACT score is in fact true. For any late teenager who spent several miserable months devoting himself to SAT practice and application essays, it's difficult enough to witness basketball's newest asshole accept himself into a great school. But when that slam-dunking, cotton-headed ninny muggins also beat you in the only thing you had going for yourself (your test scores), well then, there's not much to look forward to in this life. Thus, you resort to writing in a amateur blog and smoking crack cocaine.
And, as we all realize at some point in our life, the dumb jock wins again. Boogers.
Lately, I've been leaning towards UCLA in that everimportant crosstown rivalry back home (Breaking News: I just lost half of my readers). And honestly, I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because Westwood is one of my more liked spots in LA, or maybe it's because I always love the underdog and USC athletics isn't one of the most humble programs in the nation.
However, though the Bruins look bound for a No. 1 seed in this year's tournament, the team's past two victories (against Stanford and Cal) have made me question my newfound loyalty. Yes, Kevin Love is exceeding high expectations, Darren Collison and Russell Westbrook are combining for one of nation's best backcourts, Luc Richard Mbah a Moute makes memorizing how to spell his name worth the effort.
But really, an overtime win at home against an overrated Stanford squad? Correction: an overtime win that should never have even gone into overtime. You should be disappointed in yourself; John Wooden is turning his grave as we speak. 2nd Correction: John Wooden is actually turning in his...bed...alive and...very healthy. Well, this is awkward.
This, kids, is a great example of the non-contact foul.
And then, earlier today, you barely sneak out a win against the pot-smoking hippies of Berkeley (why do we call them "Cal" anyways?) led by his whiteness Ryan Anderson? Really? Not only did you win by 1 point, but you had to blind the referees with mace and summon the soul of Lew Alcindor just so Josh Shipp could make the most improbable game-winner of all time? Well, at least those cheerleaders were especially attractive tonight ("Psst...Wooden's not looking!")
In the previous post, I kind of assumed that everyone knew that Senator Barack Obama is indeed a hardcore balla. Well, unfortunately, assumptions are bad and may lead to unintentional racist remarks. So, I thought I should enlighten my readers by including some pretty interesting articles about Mr. Obama's day job: a southpaw, agile shooting guard with a deadly outside shot and a George Gervin finger roll.
NPR: Obama on the War, Race, and America's Future by Farai Chideya Finally, we've got a lighter note from David McWeeney. You're going to like this, because you've been described as a really aggressive basketball player back when you were at Harvard. So he wrote, "Senator Obama, you've said that if you become president that you will install a basketball hoop in the White House. Do you happen to know where?" But we did a little digging. It turns out the White House already has a half-court. Will you expand that to a full court, and who are you going to play?
"You know, I was just with Charles Barkley a couple of days ago. He came down to Birmingham to campaign with me, and Alonzo Mourning is doing an event for me down in Miami in a couple of weeks, so I think we could put together a pretty good all-star team. I don't want to guard any of those guys. They'll be on my team, and then you know, maybe if you want to play you can come up with some folks of your own."
The NY Times: The Primary Season is Embracing Sports Images by George Vecsey The way I see it, the younger generation is much more cool about racial, religious and gender differences than the older generations were. There are a lot of jerks among athletes, but young voters follow sports enough to be familiar with Shaquille O'Neal’s goofy jokes and Tiki Barber’s burning ambition and Dontrelle Willis’s warm smile.
Obama is of mixed ancestry — a white mother from Kansas, a father from Kenya — like some admirable sports figures, including Tiger Woods, Derek Jeter, James Blake and Herman Edwards.
Although agreeing that mixed ancestry might be a factor, Dawson noted that “Woods and Obama have a similar self-image, that it’s not about race.”
“It’s a central part of Obama’s campaign,” Dawson said. “He can transcend race.”
AA Statesman: Obama tries to take inspiring vision to the White House by Bob Dart In his memoir, "Dreams from My Father," Obama wrote about inner turmoil over his racial identity at Punahou, where most of the other students were white or Asian. However, outwardly, he got along well with his classmates, most of whom were more affluent. He played varsity basketball — earning the nickname "Barry O'Bomber" because of his long-distance jump shots.
Mr. Robinson, now the coach of Brown University’s men’s team, said the 6-foot-2 senator is too skinny to be an imposing presence, but he is fast, with good wind even when he was a smoker. Mr. Obama is left-handed, and his signature move is to fake right and veer left, surprising players used to guarding right-handed competitors.
Sports Illustrated: One-on-one With Obama by S.L Price So it's no surprise that Obama bit at the chance to play one-on-one. We met at the YMCA in Spencer, Iowa, in a gym with signs scolding, do not dunk balls or hang on rim! No problem. We both graduated high school in 1979, and the days when a soda bottle could roll beneath our jumping feet have long passed. At 6' 1 1/2", Obama is all lefty, quick with long arms. Before we start, he grabs some opposition research from my son, who readily says I'm "not in basketball shape" and will thus spend his teenage years peering through the barred windows of our basement.
Playing B-Ball with Barack Obama by Marshall Poe Barack had game, and he was even then a natural leader. He was tall (I’d say about six-four), but very thin, and this shaped his style of play. He couldn’t really hold his own in the paint, but he had good ups and would snatch rebounds over slightly shorter and heavier players in a graceful motion that reminded me of Karem. He was relatively fast and agile, but had no outside game that I recall. I do remember him bringing up the ball from time to time, which was probably not a good idea (though I don’t think he had a bad handle). It suggested that he wanted to be in charge (I did the same thing sometimes, much to the chagrin of my teammates).
Barack Obama Led Occidental Basketball Team In Scoring In 1979 by SportsByBrooks Jim Acho on why the media has eschewed taking it to the Barack: “Obama was considered 'a George Gervin type’ by one ex-coach I spoke to, but I wonder why it gets no mention. Maybe the Obama camp is playing it down for fear of some type of ‘black man and basketball’ stereotype/reprisal.”
Chad Ford and a group of geeky web interns created this year's NBA interactive lottery mock draft, which simulates an arbitrary order of lottery teams and predicts each team's ultimate draft choice at each selection. Yes, all 2,184 combinations are possible. Even if you're not a basketball fan, it's fun just clicking "Play Lottery" every time and seeing how often you can get Derrick Rose as the first pick.
Chad Ford cares about these two men. Do you?
I'm not really sure why I like this interactiveness so much. Maybe because I'm a nerd, maybe because I enjoy imagining Michael Beasley playing alongside Dwyane Wade, or maybe because this is the first year in a while I don't have to keep on clicking to see how often the Celtics can get the first pick.
