Marvin Lewis does not speak Spanish

Despite Bengals star receiver Chad Johnson's publicized dissatisfaction with the franchise, coach Marvin Lewis is adamant that "Ocho Cinco" jugare para los Bengals en el estacion proximo. The Bengals even turned down a stacked offer from the Redskins, which included a first-round pick in this weekend's NFL Draft. And although the gold-teefed superstar insists that he will not play another game for Cincinnati, Lewis called his bluff, telling Johnson that he should just keep his promise instead of looking for a new home.


Please, Chad, just don't be so..sad?

If you know me, you know I've loved the "Ocho Cinco" even in the sad Jon Kitna days. I model the very small amount of my touchdown celebrations after his creative antics and I too cry when my team is 4-1. But, cool Spanish nickname or not, I really don't like it when quality athletes like Chad would rather waste their talent than prove why they deserve attention. So, Chad, if you can hear me (or if you can read), just give up, por favor. Do it for Cincinnati, for your pretend cheerleader wife, for Spanish-speaking football fans, and for all of your former teammates in jail.

And if you don't? Championship!

- K.H. (Habla Espanol)

Chad Ford's NBA mock draft is for nerds

Chad Ford and a group of geeky web interns created this year's NBA interactive lottery mock draft, which simulates an arbitrary order of lottery teams and predicts each team's ultimate draft choice at each selection. Yes, all 2,184 combinations are possible. Even if you're not a basketball fan, it's fun just clicking "Play Lottery" every time and seeing how often you can get Derrick Rose as the first pick.


Chad Ford cares about these two men. Do you?

I'm not really sure why I like this interactiveness so much. Maybe because I'm a nerd, maybe because I enjoy imagining Michael Beasley playing alongside Dwyane Wade, or maybe because this is the first year in a while I don't have to keep on clicking to see how often the Celtics can get the first pick.

-K.H.