Report: Marvin Harrison is indeed a wide receiver in the NFL

According to ESPN, Colts receiver and the NFL's only "nice guy" Marvin Harrison was involved in a shooting outside his bar in North Philadelphia earlier this week. Supposedly, the perennial Pro-Bowler got into an argument with one of his patrons before the man left in his car, where he was then shot in the hand. Reports claim that the weapon fired, registered under Harrison's name, was a "custom, Belgian hand gun that shoots .50 caliber bullets." That's almost as bad as Maurice Clarett's AK-47 under the passenger seat.


This is the best off-field action shot of Harrison I could find.

To any football fan not living under rock for the past decade, this whole thing is really weird. I'm legitimately shocked by the fact that a) Marvin Harrison is possibly involved in a crime, b) Marvin Harrison is from the ghettoes of North Philadelphia, c) Marvin Harrison owns a bar, d) Marvin Harrison owns a gun, d) I'm writing a post about the most boring athlete in NFL history. Honestly, I envisioned Harrison spending his free time playing chess, perfecting his moustache, or something else that's more boring than playing in Indianapolis for 12 years.

But, since this is the NFL, where receivers are only signed with a three-crime minimum, I guess I'm not that surprised. I mean, as long as Peyton isn't caught with hookers or anything.

- K.H. (Really hopes he doesn't regret that last sentence)

Marvin Lewis does not speak Spanish

Despite Bengals star receiver Chad Johnson's publicized dissatisfaction with the franchise, coach Marvin Lewis is adamant that "Ocho Cinco" jugare para los Bengals en el estacion proximo. The Bengals even turned down a stacked offer from the Redskins, which included a first-round pick in this weekend's NFL Draft. And although the gold-teefed superstar insists that he will not play another game for Cincinnati, Lewis called his bluff, telling Johnson that he should just keep his promise instead of looking for a new home.


Please, Chad, just don't be so..sad?

If you know me, you know I've loved the "Ocho Cinco" even in the sad Jon Kitna days. I model the very small amount of my touchdown celebrations after his creative antics and I too cry when my team is 4-1. But, cool Spanish nickname or not, I really don't like it when quality athletes like Chad would rather waste their talent than prove why they deserve attention. So, Chad, if you can hear me (or if you can read), just give up, por favor. Do it for Cincinnati, for your pretend cheerleader wife, for Spanish-speaking football fans, and for all of your former teammates in jail.

And if you don't? Championship!

- K.H. (Habla Espanol)