Joey Dorsey is a shady guy

According to SI.com, Memphis forward and NBA hopeful Joey Dorsey isn't too high on his teammates. In an interview at the NBA pre-draft camp, Dorsey explained that he "knew" that fellow Tiger Derrick Rose wouldn't be selected first overall by the Bulls.


Do not underestimate this man's knowledge

"They're going to take Beasley. I've got the inside," insisted Dorsey, "They're going to take Beasley. I won't tell you how I know. You'll see June 26. I can't say any more." Dorsey then handed the reporter a stack of $100 dollar bills and a bag of cocaine before scurrying off in his trench coat.

It must be sort of disheartening for Rose to hear his teammate declare that he won't be playing in his native Chicago. The Bulls are denying any knowledge of telling Dorsey anything about the draft, but in a league that hired the infamous Tim Donaghy, any shady business possible.

UPDATE: Joey Dorsey just "joshin' around."

- K.H. (Does not have the inside)

Report: Jeff's "Michael Vick Night" idea wasn't a joke

According to ESPN, the Kansas City T-Bones of the Northern League planned to have a Michael Vick-themed "Welcome to the Neighborhood" party "complete with prison uniforms, spotlights and escape sirens. Other events promoting caring for animals also were planned." No, seriously.


"Stop makin' fun of me!"

Unfortunately, the idea was dropped following a substantial amount of complaints. Though, it's a funny idea and I guess it could be beneficial in raising animal abuse awareness. But when the Vick fiesta involves "a dog parade, pregame dog adoptions and entertainment by Rockin' Ray and the Sky Dogs," I'm not sure if the concept of getting imprisoned for hurting your pets would really strike a chord in the crowd.

In related news, the Las Vegas Cathouse Softball Team is holding a Pacman Jones-themed "Make It Rain" night, complete with strippers and violence.

- K.H. (RSVP'd already)

Michael Beasley does not take Michael Beasley seriously

Last week, Kansas State superstar Michael Beasley, 19 (approximately 4 years old mentally), entered his name in the 2008 NBA Draft. However, the likely No. 1 pick, an admitted Sponge Bob Squarepants fanatic, seemed a little too comfortable declaring his eligibility. Beasley whispered sweet nothings into coach Frank Martin's ears just moments before bursting into laughter while he (in)formally announced his intentions.



For conventional standards, this isn't really the best way to begin the recruiting season. Beasley has been notorious for being more of a punk than an athlete (he once Sharpied his autograph on his high school principal's car in a competition taken way too far). Even though Beasley-advocates claim he's "grown," I can't really picture Manhattan, Kansas to be the most culturally enriching places on Earth.

So good job, Michael Beasley, for assuring NBA scouts that think you're an asshole that you are indeed an asshole. Just another day in the NBA.

- K.H. (Be Easy)

Michael Vick agrees to lucrative 4-year, $.12 contract with Big Tito's Bitches

Puppy murderer and former NFL star Michael Vick has decided to continue his football career behind bars, playing quarterback for both teams in a prison football game. Apparently, Falcons guido owner Arthur Blank has been keeping in touch with Vick by letter and explained to the press that his imprisoned superstar has been "keeping in shape" (which is thug for "dropping the soap"). Blank also stated that Vick is making $.12 an hour washing pots and pans, a task more difficult for him than learning Bobby Petrino's offense.


Vick threw for 135 yards and 1 touchdown just before taking a "extra long" shower.

It's hard not to laugh when imaging Blank and Vick sending letters to each other: Blank getting his hair did while gunshots are blasted just outside his apartment in the Spanish Harlem projects, and Vick taping explicit pictures of his former boss on his cell wall.

Funny imagery aside, I sort of feel bad for Vick now. I mean, he was raised to become a legendary quarterback that redefined his position (which he did), and now he's at the very bottom of the ladder of life, doing things his $130 million contract didn't really mention. I'm even surprised the guy can write a letter. And now, we all have to watch Joey Harrington throw amazing interceptions while donning that ever-intimidating Falcons jersey. It's sad for us sports fans, really, though I'm not sure if our friends at PETA would be so sympathetic.

Well, at least we've got Vick's clone holding it down in Minnesota.

- K.H. (Does not root for Big Tito's Bitches)

Lebron loves 17-year-olds

This is a bit of an old story, but last week, NBA's trophy boy Lebron James agreed to meet 17-year-old Anthony Erskine, the foolish fan who rushed onto the court during the final minutes of his spectacular performance in Madison Square Garden (check out the delayed blog!). Erskine, one of five million to be donning a James jersey that night, was arrested and banned from the Garden. According to the Daily News, Lebron's gay lover (who "dashed onto the hardwood to profess his twisted love") explained how he aptly "juked out" a security guard before mentioning that he was a member of the powerhouse Mount Vernon High basketball team.


"Sorry, you must be mistaken, Renaldo Balkman's on the other bench."

Poor Erskine, I definitely get a sense of a mature ambition when I read: "He said, 'I'm going right now, it's mandatory,' said Anthony's cousin Dakaari Denton, 12, whose mom had to pick him up after Anthony was arrested." Yep, that's right, his 12-year-old cousin stuck by his side just until he had to go to recess.

Now, I'm not a big fan of this...fan, and the fortunate ending to his story. I remember the days when running onto the court was accepted as crude and you would soon be knocked out by the likes of Jermaine O'Neal. But Erskine is definitely lucky that Lebron happens to be so gotdamn humble (so handsome, and just so talented) to meet a crazed high schooler with an eloquent little cousin. But I sort of admire Erskine's courage though, not even Wally Sczerbiak hasn't gathered up the cajones to meet "The King" yet.

So let me cut to the chase: at the next Timberwolves game, I hereby declare that I will be running onto the court to finally meet my idol Michael "Sugar Daddy" Doleac.

- K.H. (also has to run because my mom's picking me up)