Someone forgot to tell bald man that the ABA doesn't exist

Matt Mosley of Hashmarks reports that DumbJock favorite and Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck has declared his predictions for this year's epic NBA Finals.


...in 1936

"I'm making a prediction," Hasselbeck told reporters after practice today. "I'm thinking Celtics in three. That's how good they are. They're so much better than the Lakers."

Aww, how cute! The bald man still thinks this is a five game series! "The Celtics in three!" This is almost as classic as when Vinny Testaverde picked the Spurs in 13!

In a eerily familiar scene, the disillusioned Hasselbeck added, "Garnett is going to get the ball and he's gonna score!" The Seahawks quarterback then took out his dentures, put down his cane, and proceeded to watch The Price is Right.

- K.H. (START SENECA!!!)

Tiki Barber released by Seahawks

Tiki Barber clone and former NFL MVP Shaun Alexander was released by the Seahawks today, not a surprising move considering the franchise had recently signed former Cowboy Julius Jones and the tub of muscle known as T.J. Duckett. The onlyambiguously gay Seahawk, Alexander has been pretty disappointing since his record-setting season three years ago, which I'm assuming is also the reason Matt Hasselbeck has pulled out all of his hair in frustration.


Alexander "released" only moments after this photo was taken
You've gotta feel bad for Seattle sports fans. The Seahawks always tease the city with pretty impressive performances, yet consistently manage to choke when it matters the most. The Sonics are Oklahoma bound and the Mariners have been pretty disappointing. Well, at least they're about to become home to the MLS's worst soccer team, a title only slightly better than the U-12 girl's AYSO champions.

But anyways, farewell, Shaun Alexander, thanks for being the NFL's worst ever MVP. Have fun preaching celibacy to your new teammates!

- K.H. (Hair For Hasselbecks club president)