Streaking should be more common in Italy

In America, streakers are typically looked down upon as usually obnoxious, generally unattractive males with exposed body parts. In Italy, streakers are highly attractive females also with exposed body parts.



Totally not fair.

- K.H. (Translate this: Vafanculo)

The French may soon know where Seattle is

Speculation about the world's best soccer players playing in America is always cute. I remember rumors of Zidane, Raul, and the tub of goo known at Ronaldo effectively enjoying retirement in the MLS, yet we've only ended up with some douchebag who's more into himself than the sport. But wishful thinking aside, I peed my pants just a little when I read of the possibility of French star Thierry Henry joining the yet-to-be-named Seattle franchise that will join the league next year.


Kevin Durant can't touch this.

It makes sense: Henry loves America more than Americans hate the French. Microsoft chairman and club owner Paul Allen will most likely be willing to shell out a few of his kabillion dollars to lure one of the sport's most popular faces into the Emerald City. The 30-year-old striker hasn't really lived up to the hype in Barcelona, where he's scored only seven goals in 24 matches. Plus, the Frenchman hasn't really been so happy in the distant land of Spain, where he's divorced his wife and has faced kidnapping threats. And with the Sonics on their way to lovely Oklahoma, another big name with odd pronunciation (aside from Ichiro and Lofa Tatupu) just might fill the void.

I know it'll never happen, but until then, I can wait and imagine. Or maybe Beckham will finally, just finally, make soccer exciting in the States.

Beckham update: he doesn't plan on making soccer exciting the States anytime soon.

-K.H. (Bienvenue vers Seattle!)

Nicolas Cage is Italian and sort of a member of Real Madrid

During a crucial Champions league match between Real Madrid and AS Roma two days ago, Paolo Calabresi, an Italian TV personality, infiltrated the opposing Bernabeu headquarters with ease by impersonating...Nicolas Cage. Yes, like the Lord of War/National Treasure/Con Air Nicolas Cage.



Calabresi's costume (straight out of Gone in 60 Seconds) and voice, still dressed with a slight Italian accent, were so convincing that Real president Ramon Calderon hosted "Mr. Cage" and gifted him a personalized jersey. Even Brazilian child-star Robinho, all 3 feet of him, was delighted to finally meet his favorite Ghost Rider (that is, before the team lost 2-1).

I'm still a bit confused about the entire story. Beckham's neighbors Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were present when Real won La Liga championship last year. Antonio Banderas and Rafael Nadal are apparently devoted followers with some ties to the club. But America's most dull actor? For some reason, I can't imagine hordes of Madridistas lining up to shake even the real hand of Sean Connery's supporting actor in "The Rock." But because Real is the most prestigious soccer club on the planet, I guess any publicity will welcomed, even if that means showing off Hollywood's worst receding hairline.

But let's not make fun of those Spainards. In truth, this is really just another great example of that Italian affinity for acting (please click!) when it comes to soccer. Forza azzurri!

- K.H. (Sorry Tony!)

Alexi Lalas thinks David Beckham is better than you, and you, and you...

General manager Alexi Lalas, the ginger kid responsible for David Beckham's $250 million immigration to Los Angeles, has been the face of the Major League Soccer administration for the past few years. But even with arguably the world's most popular athlete, the MLS hasn't necessarily been headlining any ESPN broadcasts lately, so you would think Lalas would at least be a tad bit modest about his career as a general manager. If Lalas really did want more Americans tuning into those extremely exciting Galaxy matches, you would assume he would promote the MLS and its athletes politely to potential fans.

Apparently, Mr. Lalas doesn't like being polite. In an interview last week with humble hosts Steve and Nick of Fox Football Fone-In (which, sadly, is probably the most popular soccer show in America), the Galaxy manager explained that Becks was "too big" for the show and for the American soccer community in general. Ouch.


After an intimate night with Beckham, Lalas reasoned that he was indeed "big enough."

His explicitly offensive response was prompted by Steve and Nick's complaint that the Englishman refused to appear on their show along with an L.A. Times article that derided Beckham's celebrity. T.J. Simers, author of the article, explained the futility of trying to contact the soccer star who has scored a whopping one goal for his team:

Talk to Galaxy GM Alexi Lalas and he sounds as if Beckham's work is already done here, proclaiming Beckham "is at an entirely different level" than Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan.Beckham might be Leiweke's "favorite athlete," as he says, but he dismisses Lalas' remarks by noting Beckham "isn't even as big as Kobe Bryant."
I thought he was brought to L.A. to put soccer on the U.S. map and make MLS or MSL or whatever they call the soccer league that ranks here right up there with the Arena league into something more meaningful.
Beckham is not a goal-scorer, and apparently not much of a talker, making him a strange choice to be a pitchman in this country. Kwame Brown delivered more than Beckham last year. -Simers, L.A. Times

As a member of that American soccer community that he felt so free to condemn as unworthy of the god known as David Beckham, Lalas' comments disturb me as much as the screaming Irishman Kenny on the World Soccer Daily Podcast, who asked "After spending the day with Snoop Dogg, Beckham has no time to call the show when he's out stuck on the 405?" It's pundits like Lalas and disappointments like Beckham that keep the beautiful game below Arena Football here in the States. And they wonder why us Yankees can't compete in the World Cup.

It's difficult not to feel bad for the Fox Soccer Channel, Lalas abusively berated the only channel (that is barely on air) willing to show some MLS matches, claiming it wasn't "big enough" for the only hope the league has. This phrase "big enough" is ironic and slightly amusing because Lalas, whose only shining moment is wasting $250 million dollars on a metrosexual geezer, is not "big enough" to even be a footnote on Sky Sports News. This asshole thought he was "big enough" to declare that Beckham could be bigger than Pele. But, American soccer fans, should we really intimidated by a guy whose name is Alexi?

So seriously, somebody please give this man an Eric Cantona karate kick to the face before the soccer community finally becomes "big enough."

-K.H.