Rodney Harrison is N0T going crazy about the gotdamn Superbowl, okay?!

Just in case you were wondering, Patriots BAMF Rodney Harrison is not haunted by that miraculous Manning-To-Tyree play (name still pending) of Superbowl XVII. Although Harrison was covering Tyree during his improbable catch, boston.com reports that the Patriots veteran has finally accepted "the catch" as "inexplicable."

"Not in a million years does he make that catch again," said Harrison. "I don't have any regrets on it. I saw the ball, went up for it, and did my best to grab it out. It goes on his head, so what can you say?"


This photo does not exist in Rodney Harrison's imagination.

It's almost four months past the Superbowl, and now Harrison finally accepts Tyree's catch as crazy? I know just about every New Yorker accepted the catch as crazy once they took another shot of Jack Daniels after thinking Eli was sacked. Trust me, I know...*sighs* gotdamnit Kenny.

But as well as I remember that play (which I don't), "the catch" was definitely inexplicable, something sent from the football gods to finally destroy the Patriots, including their ever-cocky safety. Unfortunately, some don't take losing so well and resort to profound existentialism:

"I think you have to understand that certain things happen that you just can't explain."

Sounds like somebody's got a case of the SUPERBOWL PWNG3! If only we could all just cheer him up with a BrianBillickesque kiss.

- K.H. (Took four months to get over that hangover)

Beckham vs. Ahmadinejad just not happening

According to SI, the Los Angeles Galaxy have denied a statement by the Iranian Football Federation claiming that the club was scheduled to play a friendly against the Iranian national team. A representative of the Galaxy explained that "it is very rare for the Galaxy to play any national team. The Galaxy likes to play top-tier friendly matches against other clubs and let the U.S. national team play the friendlies against other national teams."


After the Galaxy's refusal, the captain of the Iranian team angrily responded "تاجيكى!"

America's ultimate villain and President of Iran Mahmoud Ahmadinejad later responded in a text to metrosexual Galaxy star Landon Donavan, "dude wtf?!"

There's a few funny things to note here: a) the fact that the Iranian Football Federation scheduled a match with the L.A. Galaxy without letting them know, b) that the Galaxy representative said that the team likes to play top-tier friendly matches, c) the image of the too cool David Beckham traveling to Iran as his homeless teammates carried his bags / children, and finally d) the MLS in general.

Honestly, it wouldn't be such a bad idea for the Galaxy. The rare publicity would do...something? Maybe the athletes could finally live up to their team name and travel somewhere else in the galactic universe. Yeah, sure, some Americans would be shot and/or killed, but is that really any worse than being in the MLS in the first place?

- K.H. (Only writes top-teir posts)

The NBA. Where gringo happens.

Last week, the Shaq-powered Suns defeated the Spurs in the US Airways Center. But apparently the NBA didn't get the memo that this game was played in Phoenix, not Tijuana. In an effort to involve the Hispanic community more in the sport, both squads donned jerseys labeled with the team names "Los Suns" and "Los Spurs." A few days later, the Heat (who really can't get any sadder right now) followed the trend in their match against the Magic, wearing uniforms under the name of "El Heat."


"Que's up amigo?"
"Nothing mucho hombray!"

I understand that the NBA is doing a great job of expanding the sport's fan base beyond American borders: the reigning MVP is German, China watches more basketball than America, and Argentina has been dominating the international scene. But if David Stern is going go bilingual on us, can he and his amigos at least get their Spanish right?

I'm stealing a little from celebrity blogger Paul Lukas, but seriously, this ignorant attempt at Spanglish is just like that one dude who orders food at Taco Bell with "el large-o drink-o" and "extra cheese-o." Yes, embroidering Los Soles or El Calor on those super expensive jerseys would be a bit drastic, but c'mon, what would be next? Les Celtics, Die Lakers, 雄牛 Mavericks?

Plus, Eduardo Najera would finally not look so damn awkward.

- K.H. (Hablo espanol)

David Harrison will (expletive) kill you

Pacers center David Harrison was suspended one game for telling an official that he was going "to (expletive) kill" Spurs ginger center Matt Bonner after a seemingly offensive offensive foul. While being escorted off the court, Harrison was so (expletive) pissed off that he (expletive) threw a (expletive) tantrum on the way to the (expletive) locker room that he need a few (expletive) stitches in his head.


Moments later, Chris Kaman was found (expletive) dead under the basket.

Considering that Harrison is, in fact, an Indiana Pacer molded under the unparalleled guidance of Stephen Jackson and Jamaal Tinsley, this shouldn't be much of a surprise. Well, considering this is the NBA, this actually should be expected. Players like Bonner should actually be...well, (expletive) killed.

Upon notice that Harrison was suspended, Bonner, who happens to be the only man on the Spurs roster with a sense of humor, responded, "You only get a technical for that? Will Ferrell got ejected for that in Semi-Pro." In the Spurs locker room, jokes are rare, but you know what they say, 60 percent of the time, it works every time.

In a rare, yet captivating, emotional moment for San Antonio forward Tim Duncan, the ten-time All-star replied, "Ha."

So, touche to Mr. Harrison and Mr. Bonner for allowing me to quote Anchorman for the first time in this blog. Just don't (fucking) kill yourselves!

- K.H.

Alexi Lalas thinks David Beckham is better than you, and you, and you...

General manager Alexi Lalas, the ginger kid responsible for David Beckham's $250 million immigration to Los Angeles, has been the face of the Major League Soccer administration for the past few years. But even with arguably the world's most popular athlete, the MLS hasn't necessarily been headlining any ESPN broadcasts lately, so you would think Lalas would at least be a tad bit modest about his career as a general manager. If Lalas really did want more Americans tuning into those extremely exciting Galaxy matches, you would assume he would promote the MLS and its athletes politely to potential fans.

Apparently, Mr. Lalas doesn't like being polite. In an interview last week with humble hosts Steve and Nick of Fox Football Fone-In (which, sadly, is probably the most popular soccer show in America), the Galaxy manager explained that Becks was "too big" for the show and for the American soccer community in general. Ouch.


After an intimate night with Beckham, Lalas reasoned that he was indeed "big enough."

His explicitly offensive response was prompted by Steve and Nick's complaint that the Englishman refused to appear on their show along with an L.A. Times article that derided Beckham's celebrity. T.J. Simers, author of the article, explained the futility of trying to contact the soccer star who has scored a whopping one goal for his team:

Talk to Galaxy GM Alexi Lalas and he sounds as if Beckham's work is already done here, proclaiming Beckham "is at an entirely different level" than Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan.Beckham might be Leiweke's "favorite athlete," as he says, but he dismisses Lalas' remarks by noting Beckham "isn't even as big as Kobe Bryant."
I thought he was brought to L.A. to put soccer on the U.S. map and make MLS or MSL or whatever they call the soccer league that ranks here right up there with the Arena league into something more meaningful.
Beckham is not a goal-scorer, and apparently not much of a talker, making him a strange choice to be a pitchman in this country. Kwame Brown delivered more than Beckham last year. -Simers, L.A. Times

As a member of that American soccer community that he felt so free to condemn as unworthy of the god known as David Beckham, Lalas' comments disturb me as much as the screaming Irishman Kenny on the World Soccer Daily Podcast, who asked "After spending the day with Snoop Dogg, Beckham has no time to call the show when he's out stuck on the 405?" It's pundits like Lalas and disappointments like Beckham that keep the beautiful game below Arena Football here in the States. And they wonder why us Yankees can't compete in the World Cup.

It's difficult not to feel bad for the Fox Soccer Channel, Lalas abusively berated the only channel (that is barely on air) willing to show some MLS matches, claiming it wasn't "big enough" for the only hope the league has. This phrase "big enough" is ironic and slightly amusing because Lalas, whose only shining moment is wasting $250 million dollars on a metrosexual geezer, is not "big enough" to even be a footnote on Sky Sports News. This asshole thought he was "big enough" to declare that Beckham could be bigger than Pele. But, American soccer fans, should we really intimidated by a guy whose name is Alexi?

So seriously, somebody please give this man an Eric Cantona karate kick to the face before the soccer community finally becomes "big enough."

-K.H.